Rick's Q & A Call on July 15

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crossroads

Hi Rick! My husband and I are 1 year from D-Day and have done EMS weekend and Hope for Healing and Harboring Hope. My question really pertains to my husband and his ongoing recovery. During one of our discussions he mentioned he felt he was at somewhat of a crossroad. For, at the time, 10 years of our marraige, he lived a life of deceit for 8 of those years (multiple affair partners) and now says that old person is "dead". I'm very proud of him for the strides he has made in the last year; he has learned alot about himself and is doing well in his recovery; however how does he move forward, or learn to move forward, to a life he has never known or lived? Everything he was is gone and he seems to have lost his identity if that makes sense. Do you have any recommendations? Is there anything I can do to help him?

AP will not go away

Rick, My husband and I have been in A.R. since the beginning of the year. The "first" d day was March 6, 2012...and although they did not continue to see each other (since we live 8 hours apart) they did continue to have an emotional affair via his work place phone and pictures on his work computer until April 13th of this year (my 2nd and hopefully last d day). Since that day, the AP has sent me two messages on Facebook asking to have "one final private conversation" with my husband to which I did not reply or respond to. Then a couple weeks later she emailed my husband asking if he was okay and that she couldn't move on without know he was okay. He sent her and me a response telling her he had resigned his job, confessed it all to me, our children, my parents and even our church (this was his conviction, I did not ask him to do this) and that he was sorry for his part in the affair and truly loved me and wanted to do whatever it took to make our marriage work. She replied the next day with a rather manipulative email about how she would not be okay, that she didn't think counseling would ever work for her, how she lost him as her best friend, and so forth. I really thought she would get the message but no.....last week she sent him a certified package to his part time job to which he promptly handed it to me to open. She had sent him back a picture and copy she made of it, that he had given her in 1985 and a note saying she thought he would want it back. Now...I have not responded to her at all, but it is getting harder and harder not to go off on her. Every time she contacts us, in what ever way she choses that month, it is like pulling the scab off a wound. I find that I am getting more and more pissed off every time and find myself becoming obsessed about her...this of course is NOT good for our marriage and recovery. I do not talk negatively about her to my husband so I don't delay his recovery but It is certainly making it harder for me to forgive her and heal. I need to know how to handle this. It's almost as if she just wants to make sure he remembers her...we hear from her once a month...usually about the time I have settled down from her previous contact. But dang it, Even the nicest people have their limits. HELP!!!

What type of affair was it?

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