, 2 years 4 months ago

The absolute last thing anyone needs after the personal discovery or experience of infidelity is more shame and isolation. However, two of the most commonly experienced emotions after infidelity has been discovered are both paralyzing shame and decimating isolation. At affairrecovery.com, we use this phrase quite often: “everyone says what they will do when infidelity happens... until it actually happens.” It’s just not that easy to make a decision. After all, you could be giving your unfaithful...

, 2 years 4 months ago

Intimacy avoidance remains one of the most challenging aspects of both short-term and long-term recovery from an affair. Whether four months into repair work or four years in, the couple that remains impinged by intimacy avoidance struggles to gain any lasting momentum at all. Without a strategic, infidelity-specific plan to address both the infidelity and the intimacy avoidance, ultimate failure remains a potential and quite tangible outcome for the relationship. The good news is, intimacy avoidance...

, 2 years 4 months ago

"Will my marriage or relationship ever be the same again?" This is one of the most common questions when a couple enters a therapist's office, wondering if they can actually survive infidelity. There are no easy answers, but there is tangible hope when the right guidance and pathways are provided to couples in crisis. While infidelity is extremely traumatic for a marriage, it doesn't have to be the end, or figuratively cremate the relationship while the couple makes mistake after mistake wondering why...

, 2 years 4 months ago

"Can a marriage recover from an affair" is one of the most popular questions we are asked at affairrecovery.com. The answer is a resounding YES, if both parties are willing to do the work and commit to the process. Today, Alumnus Samuel shares practical and refreshing insight into answering that question, and how to do it. Rebuilding a marriage that has been ransacked by infidelity or addiction is no easy task, but it IS possible, when both parties have a proven blueprint for their own individual work...

, 2 years 4 months ago

Finding the courage to keep going after your own world has been rocked by infidelity or addiction is one of the most excruciating processes an adult can find themselves in. Discovering there are not only survivors of infidelity, but those who have come out on the other side healed, forgiven, and restored, can bring hope and courage to others forging through the challenging seasons of early recovery. While not impossible to heal, our feelings often betray us and leave us feeling defeated against what...

, 2 years 5 months ago

Have you ever wondered if you or your partner is a narcissist? Or a sex addict? This may surprise you, but being labeled a narcissist or sex addict are two of the most over-diagnosed labels that inexperienced therapists utilize in the mental health field. What if you or your spouse just have narcissistic traits - how do you deal with that, and what is the difference? How do you survive not only infidelity, but also addiction and narcissism, within your specific scenario? The good news is, there is...

, 2 years 5 months ago

Every safe and healthy formerly unfaithful spouse eventually comes to the realization that mere "I'm sorries" just aren't enough. Restoration takes time, gut-wrenching effort, and expert help. Without any of those variables, the repair process can seem absolutely impossible. The good news is, there is a way to heal and survive cheating of any kind in a relationship, where both parties are committed to the process. It's a tough conversation when the unfaithful spouse is told they must embrace their...

, 2 years 5 months ago

Some of the worst battles I've found myself in have been with my ego and self-shaming tendencies. I've learned, after countless sleepless nights and awful bouts of depression, that we cannot 'self-shame' our way into healing, restoration or wellness. Hating ourselves will never move us to a healthier place. We may lose weight. We may develop a healthy new habit or excel in the gym, but in terms of finding our more mentally and emotionally balanced selves, we will fail miserably. Believe me; I've tried...

, 2 years 5 months ago

The foundations of any healthy, life-giving marriage or long-lasting relationship are built in humility, compassion and self-sacrifice, (just to name a few). The antithesis of these is something called “destructive entitlement.” Believe it or not, after the disclosure of infidelity or addiction, one or both spouses can feel destructively entitled to various ways of handling the pain, trauma, and of course, perceived abandonment and rejection. The truth is, most marriages can be saved after this life-altering...

, 2 years 6 months ago

“Somewhere along the way in my own journey, I realized I was abandoning myself. With help from a few infidelity experts, I came to a realization that me sacrificing myself was not going to save the marriage.”

The above quote is from a woman I spoke with recently, who wept at the realization that she had abandoned herself in an attempt to save her marriage. While she was constantly trying to...

, 2 years 6 months ago

Choosing to move forward after infidelity stretches any strong man or woman to their very core. Today, Samuel shares from his many failures and successes on how he has been able to find hope, healing, and courage to go forward, despite many disappointments and frustrations.

Harboring Hope registration opens monthly. Subscribe to be notified.

Harboring Hope is our online course for betrayed spouses to heal after infidelity. It often sells out within a few short hours....

, 2 years 6 months ago

Lisa Arends frequently shares her compelling story of her ex-husband divorcing her through a mere text message. What unfolded next was a story fit for the cinema screen. Several years later, Lisa is remarried, pursuing a vibrant career in data science, and impacting the lives of thousands of hurting, betrayed spouses who are looking for the courage to keep going after divorce. Lisa has a knack for encouraging those who are trying to heal, not only in practical ways, but also through expert insight into the mind of the betrayed spouse.

Though...

, 2 years 6 months ago
Attunement: A 2 Part Series

Part 1: Bridging the Gap Between the Unfaithful and Betrayed Spouse
Part 2: When Both Spouses Feel Abandoned

During healing from infidelity, attunement is a couple’s best friend. When both spouses are in touch with one another’s inner world and inner pain, oneness is within reach. When one or both spouses feel abandoned in their pain, they have...

, 2 years 7 months ago
Attunement: A 2 Part Series

Part 1: Bridging the Gap Between the Unfaithful and Betrayed Spouse
Part 2: When Both Spouses Feel Abandoned

When we allow our inner world to resonate with our partner’s inner world, we can discover a new level of empathy, oneness and overall reconciliation. Dr. Dan Siegel calls this concept "attunement". When we feel heard by our partner, and our inner pain is not...

, 2 years 7 months ago

Today, I’m thrilled to share my most recent interview with best-selling author Thomas Gagliano. He specializes in family-focused therapy, and is also an expert in childhood trauma, family dynamics and addiction — including the crisis of infidelity.

Last time we met, he discussed self-sabotage, infidelity and resistance to obtaining professional help. Today, Tom will be exploring the mind of the unfaithful, extracting out ways the unfaithful can feel fragmented and paralyzed. I hope, through today’s interview, you find healing and freedom from...

, 2 years 7 months ago

When you are walking through a difficult chapter after infidelity, addiction or another significant crisis, you are likely looking for a few things: healing, peace of mind, clarity, understanding, personal restoration and perhaps even relational restoration. Ultimately, what we really want is transformation. We want this agony to be transformed into healing and joy.

We have a choice: We can either transmit our pain or we can transform it. We can do the recovery work that we need to do, we can get the expert help that we need...

, 2 years 8 months ago

When devastation hits, we embark upon this journey of survival. We begin to wonder, “How do I survive this enormous amount of pain and trauma I’m in? How do I make it through to the other side?” Sometimes, we may even wonder, “How do I make it through today?” What I have found in my own healing from and surviving infidelity efforts is that I’m doing two things simultaneously: learning and unlearning.

As the amazing author Richard Rohr says, when we are in midlife, we are both learning and...

, 2 years 8 months ago

Registration for EMS Online Opens Soon. Don't Miss Out!

Spots fill up quickly, so you won’t want to wait to register for our Emergency Marital Seminar Online. Better known as EMSO, this 13-week infidelity recovery course has helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships and restore their lives. Click the button below to be notified when registration opens back up.

Subscribe to Registration Notifications!

Crisis: It doesn't knock before it...

, 2 years 8 months ago

EMS Weekend Is Back in Person!

Everyone has been asking and the time has come: EMS Weekend is finally back in person! Spots are selling out fast for this life-changing retreat, so make your in-person or virtual reservation today.

Register For EMS Weekend!

Today, I'm going to discuss something that's at the cornerstone of recovery for couples: How to rebuild trust after infidelity. When there's been infidelity of any kind, trust has been shattered. We've heard from...

, 2 years 8 months ago

Join Us at the Virtual Hope Rising Conference on October 2!

Tickets are now available for our 4th annual Hope Rising Conference for betrayed spouses. Space is limited. Learn more and purchase tickets using the button below.

Get Tickets For Hope Rising 2021!

I think anybody who's gone through infidelity comes to the point where they ask themselves:

"Is there ever a time when there's too much damage to try and recover from...

, 2 years 9 months ago

Not too long ago, someone pulled me aside and asked, “Seriously, how long is it going to be like this?” At our EMS Weekends in person, the conversations inevitably take a turn to these sorts of questions. Often, participants want to know:

“How long are we going to have to do this work?” “Is it always going to be this hard?” “When does it get better?”

I’ve said this before and I’ll continue to say it: We didn’t get here overnight, and we got to this place because of one...

, 2 years 9 months ago

Registration for EMS Online Opens Soon!

Spots fill up quickly, so you won't want to wait to register for our Emergency Marital Seminar Online. Better known as EMSO, this 13-week course has helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships and restore their lives after infidelity.

Subscribe to Registration Notifications!

The other day, I had someone reach out to me and say, "Sam, what are we to do now? How do we not, I hate to say it, end up like...

, 2 years 9 months ago

Over the last decade in a half or so, I’ve been doing my own work and had the privilege of watching other people do their work as they heal from infidelity or addiction. During that time, I’ve come to the realization that, in many ways, our healing, our future and our personal restoration require the ownership of two things: our choices and our outcomes.

What Happens When We Own Our Choices

If I can’t own the choices that I’ve made, particularly as an unfaithful spouse, I’m not safe and I make myself a victim. If we can own our choices, we can...

, 2 years 9 months ago

Today, I want to talk to you about a major turning point that happens in all of our lives. This turning point is going to challenge some of you, and it's OK to be challenged in your affair recovery timeline. This turning point is the day when we hold ourselves accountable for our own healing. When I made the shift and began to hold myself accountable for my own recovery, it changed my life, it changed my healing and it changed my heart. At the core of personal recovery work, regardless of what you're going through, is self-responsibility....

, 2 years 10 months ago

Have you ever been so frustrated because you couldn't get your mate to think, feel or act how you wanted them to? Have you ever hit that point in affair recovery where you so desperately wanted to get your loved one to do something, see something, and you just couldn't?

While recovering after an affair, we can become such control freaks when we try to get someone to experience something as we would. In these moments, our frustration can be off the charts.

In unfaithful spouse recovery, it can look like this: Why won't they...

, 2 years 10 months ago

In life and in infidelity recovery, there are seasons. Whether you're recovering from infidelity pain as an individual or as a couple, some of these seasons are going to be incredibly challenging. I'm sorry to tell you, there's no way around them. But there is some good news: Seasons don't last forever. And while you will experience days of agony, you'll also experience good days; days where you may take some deeper breaths and say: "It feels good to hope. We had a great day."

Like with weather seasons, we have to make adjustments and embrace the recovery season we're...

, 3 years 8 months ago

Samuel interviews author and therapist Eddie Capparucci about sex addiction.

, 3 years 9 months ago

Samuel discusses a necessary tool for those stuck in crisis.

, 3 years 9 months ago

Samuel his friends Hank and Aixa as they share their own story of healing from infidelity.

, 3 years 9 months ago

Samuel discusses suffering, belief systems, and how both partners can heal after disclosure.

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