Survivors' Blog

What Does Getting Back Up Really Mean for the Unfaithful?

Submitted by Samuel 9 years ago

Today Samuel shares a story in his video of a recent conversation he had with conference attendees about what it means to actually get back up for the unfaithful spouse after infidelity.

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What to read next

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

How do women " man up"?

Submitted by confusedman on

Samual, As John has pointed out the Unfaithful Women have a much harder time doing what men are expected to do. like Ice queens. How has your experience working with Unfaithful women changed the way you get them to "man up"?

good question...

Submitted by Samuel on
confusedman thanks for the comment and watching. it's tough. there are uniform principles for sure, but the way you get there can be different for sure. for women, the emotional connection (typically) is strong so there has to be a strong sense of community for the women to go to which is 1. safe 2. engaging 3. infidelity based/related (like the hope for healing course on the site) as it creates a place for the unf spouse to go to to find connection rather than just going right to the affair partner. Also, the female unfaithful can 'woman up' if you will by doing recovery work on regaining "respect" & finding new appreciation for their male spouse. also, for the women it's common to put in place a 'no physical intimacy w/their husband for 30 to 90 days to help them re engage' slowly but surely. it takes a strategy that's a bit different than the man, while also engaging the normal pitfalls of the unfaithful spouse. there are more but i'm not sure if this is hitting home or what you were looking for? at any rate, appreciate your commenting and watching.

Dear Samuel In the last few

Submitted by Susan_NLTR on

Dear Samuel In the last few months I have been watching a lot of your videos and they had been a great help. But to be honest: this one is one of the strongest I have seen so far. My compliments for you! I asked my husband to watch it yesterday, and I seriously hope that this will be the last time that I ask him to do such things. I am looking very much forward to your thoughts on how the betrayed (I like term hurt better, sorry) partner can back up video.

so kind of you...

Submitted by Samuel on
means a ton Susan_NLTR that you'd say that. thank you. the new one will be out today i believe. i hope it resonates and if you think it needs anything, please feel free to share as well. have a great day and i hope you'll find encouragement like i did today in your comment.

Great work

Submitted by SLM on

As you know I am a faithful listener to your blogs. This one was amazing. My husband has actually listened to it a couple of times. He seems to drag his feet on his part of the recovery work and as a result we have been stuck for a while now. He stuffs down his emotions. Can you pls explain how or if it is as important for the unfaithful person to also grieve? And what damage comes from not allowing the pain to come out?

Thank you for the wonderful work you do.

so glad he watched it....

Submitted by Samuel on
i'm working on a grieving piece for sure for both spouses, unf and betrayed. i'll certainly address grieving for what we lose as unfaithful and how to process through the pain.

Hello. Encountered an "ah ha"

Submitted by jimmcop on

Hello. Encountered an "ah ha" moment watching this blog video. I'm an unfaithful working on myself and attempting to heal the pain I've inflicted on my wife. One of my struggles is the loss of one of my dreams to become a farmer. My affair killed that dream. I loved you discussing we have to find new dreams. Time to start asking God where he wants me to go now. Thank you. Regards, Jim C