Q&A Can You Help Me Understand Why My Husband Still Cannot Recommit to the Marriage?

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Can you help me understand why my husband still cannot recommit to the marriage after he learned that all his justifications to having an affair were assumptions and false? My husband was at work overseas and had a two month, in person, relationship and an additional two month, long distance, relationship when he returned home. It has been 1 year since they saw each other and 4 months since they communicated. Communications stopped after he saw me go through a panic attack in September. They reconnected for 1 month in March 2020 over the phone and stopped again once I found out. My husband shared with me that he no longer feel the grass is greener the other side, admitted that he could not justify reasons to leave the marriage anymore and I am the better option. What he said I lacked since discovery is no longer. He shared that I had made tremendous improvements and he can see that we could have a better marriage. However, he no longer has feelings for me and feels his heart is with the affair partner. He feels he can never let go of the affair partner until he explores the relationship with her. He does not want to learn it through other stories and wants to go through it himself, despite the low success rate of it working out. He can see that when the honeymoons stage fades, one of them could resent each other. He is not remorseful, regret his choices or want to recommit to the marriage. The only regret he has is the trauma he bought to my life. He is here because he wants to help me with my recovery but is doing minimum work. His wants conflicts with what I need to heal because he would have to stuff down his feelings, which he feel will hinder from developing feelings for me.



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