Q&A Does Alcohol Really Play That Much of a Part in Infidelity?

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My husband had an 8 month “having your cake and eating it too” affair in 2018. My husband seemed remorseful and pleaded for another chance to win my trust back. He said I was the love of his life and this was a huge mistake. He said he only said he loved her because he felt obligated. I trusted him because he seemed so distraught to get caught that I was sure he wouldn’t hurt me again like this. My husband did not feel he needed help. About two months ago when he arrived at home drunk I saw he had made a secret Instagram account and had been in communication and resumes affair with this woman for the last five months. Again they said I love you to each other via text. I asked him to leave again, he was mortified and once again pleaded for another chance. I said no. The affair partner begged me not to tell. I said no. My husband reached out for help quitting alcohol as well as signing up for Hope for Healing as a way to show me he was serious. He did boot camp on his own and continued to plead. He still says he does not love this woman and does not know yet why he resumed the behavior. He blames alcohol but says he realizes he might have other issues and is trying to figure out why. Yes alcohol has been a huge issue in our life but how do I know he’s telling the truth about his feelings for this woman? If he’s not in love with her why would he answer her call to resume the relationship? It’s disturbing to me. After seeing me so devastated that he could do this even if he was under the influence. Is it possible to resume an Affair with someone you’re not in love with after you’ve been caught? What’s the point? Adrenaline high? Sex high? Is it considered a different category affair? I’m confused by his showing of effort and afraid to believe he really can change. Does alcohol really play that much of a part? I’m so confused please help. I’m afraid to commit again only to be devastated by him once again.



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