Q&A How Can I Break Down My Walls and Be Intimate Again?

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Question: 

My husband’s affair ended 7 months ago. He wants to stay married. He had a deeply emotionally entangled and sexual affair. I am still so hurt and cry at least once a day about it. He is beginning to be more empathetic so that is good and we are in marriage counseling. He has been good about doing things to rebuild my trust and I do believe their relationship has ended. But, I have been unable to have sex with him. I feel like I have put up a wall to protect myself and I don't know how to break the wall down. I actually feel repulsed by him now. I don't even like it when he rubs my leg or puts his hand on my knee. I actually feel attacked and defensive when he does these things. The only thing I can tolerate is if we hold hands. I just can't get over that he had such an intense relationship with someone else and his affair continued for 6 more months after I found out about it (the affair was about a year long in total). The most traumatizing part about his affair was the fact that he didn't stop it immediately and I just sat at home with our baby while he went off with his girlfriend (although he didn't tell me that's what he was doing, I just suspected it). What can I do to help break my walls down and become intimate with him again?

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