Q&A Is It Typical to Still Be in So Much Anguish This Far down the Road?

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Question: 

My husband left our home 11 months ago; we have been married 10 years. At that point, it had been 5 1/2 years since his affair, although I believe he was in one at the time he left and had been for several months, I just couldn't prove it. I started counseling because we never got help after he was caught in the affair. He to this day refuses to get help but won't move forward. He's not violent but sometimes I wonder if he's narcissistic. At this point my main focus is getting healthy, especially because my first husband was unfaithful, too. I don't want to buy into the, saying all men are dogs, etc. or never be able to trust again but no men in my life have ever been reliable. Is it typical or normal for me, the betrayed, to go through so much anguish so many years after the fact? It's very surreal in the since that the shock of the affair has subsided but the shock and disbelief of how I could have been so wrong about someone and that he would let everything be destroyed, meaning our marriage and our family. We each have children, the youngest 13. This morning I was so confident it's just time to file for a divorce and move on and then this afternoon feeling totally overwhelmed by the thought of it.

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This amazing man

How wonderful it is to hear you say that about your husband! I often wonder if I'll be able to say that about mine again, being that he's the same person who betrayed me. Two and a half years out and still in counseling, it's hard to fathom when I still feel in my heart that there's more being kept secret.