Q&A How do I Deal With 'His and Hers' Affairs?

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How do I deal with "his and hers" affairs?

As a result of a brief affair I had with a work colleague, my husband and I are physically separated. Upon discovery, my husband said "we're getting divorced!" and asked me to move out. I ended the relationship with my affair partner, believe I have taken full responsibility for my actions, and have been working to save our marriage ever since. 

He has since told me he was no longer willing to be faithful to our marriage. He had a brief "rebound" affair with a woman. A few weeks later he said, "I want to be with you, I won't run from our marriage." Two days later told me, "I am not sure if I want to be married to anyone anymore," and started a new affair with his work colleague. 

At this point in time he is undecided about our marriage. I am committed to us, and want him to "come back to the table" to begin reconciling our marriage. He is still seeing the other woman. He and I spend time together a few times a week, see our friends together, but are no longer physically or emotionally intimate. 

He says he is "emotionally divorced," and since we are separated he does not believe he is having an affair. He sees himself as the "betrayed" spouse. 

Do you have any advice for how such a couple can proceed?



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