Q&A How Do I Get past Him Having Sex with Another Person?

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My husband had an emotional and physical affair that lasted about 14 months. D-day was 14 months ago. We've been married for 5.5 years. We're both working towards recovery. I'm in Harboring Hope; he's in Hope for Healing. We've learned so much, grown so much, and even have a better relationship than we've ever had in our 11 years together. I'm grateful for this course and the progress we've made. However, I'm stuck on trying to get over the part where he had sex with another person. Together, we've learned a lot about the underlying issues that caused him to cheat. We both now understand that what he got out of his affair was that he liked the way she made him feel about himself. She gave him time and a sense of appreciation. They didn't have a deep connection. They didn't have this passionate relationship. They met at his previous job so that's the only connection they had (their affair actually started after he left that company). So, if he was happy with the time she gave him, why the need to have sex? He said sex was not the driver of the affair. It was just average sex. Nothing mind-blowing. Then why weren't the phone calls, text messages, lunch dates, and attention, enough? This is the last part of the affair that I'm trying to process. This is where I'm stuck. I just want to accept it and move on.



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