Q&A How Do I Manage the Thoughts of Comparison?

Submitted by Leslie_Hardie Wed, 07/03/2019 - 09:34

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Question: 

My husband had different sexual experiences with his affair partner. Some were successful in that he climaxed, some were not. When he did, he stated they had no foreplay, no intimacy, etc., but he was still aroused instantly and able to climax. This haunts me, as I feel like she was so powerful and amazing that she barely had to touch him to make that happen. I feel worthless and like I could never measure up. In reality, this was 10 years ago, but he just disclosed, so I am also experiencing comparisons between a younger man's reaction and my husband's reaction now. We have been sexually intimate over the years, and now is probably the best we've ever been (after disclosure) but since I just learned of it, it feels like it was yesterday. I just can't handle knowing how turned on he was by her. How do I manage any of this?

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Thank you.

Submitted by [name hidden] on

This was my submission, and though I realized it was posted last week, I couldn't watch it until today due to fear and anxiety. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was afraid the answer would be that I was just not as sexy and would never be as good as her. I am really struggling with this in every aspect of my life. Every time he pays me a compliment (genuinely) or reaches for me my first thought is - is that what he said to / thought about her? And then I can't enjoy it. Your response was helpful and comforting, as always, and I am working on this. Thank you for all that you do. (My husband likes that I watch your videos as he agrees you are spot on, and he sees that I am usually calmer and more hopeful afterward)

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas