Q&A How Do I Help My Wife Overcome Her Shame?

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Question: 

I think that the shame my wife feels about what she has done is getting in the way of her ability to give empathy. She is capable of it, but it always feels like something is being held back. She says sometimes how remorseful she is, but never really shows it. She doesn't want to cry in front of me. It seems like the only time she cries about any of this is when we are arguing, and I have, admittedly, pushed too far and acted out of anger. She cries in response to that. It just seems to me like what she is upset about is her own feelings, and not really mine. Like her shame is protecting her from really feeling the weight of everything. We are 9 months past D-Day 1, but only 1.5 months since the most recent confession from her. How do I help her feel safe enough to show me her shame so I can help her and show her the empathy that she surely needs?

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