Q&A How Do I Move past the Feelings of Rage I Have Towards the Affair Partner?

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About 9 months ago, my husband of 24 years left our marriage quite unexpectedly. He did not disclose at that time that he was having an affair, which began about 6 weeks before he left me. He said that reconciliation was not an option so we filed for divorce almost immediately. About 3 months ago, around the time that our divorce was final, he approached me, confessed to the affair, and asked me to consider reconciliation. He immediately ended the affair and cut off all contact with his affair partner. As we work through the recovery process together I am gradually beginning to feel less anger and rage toward him. However, my outrage toward the affair partner has not eased at all. She was a mutual friend of ours and someone I trusted. My sense of betrayal by both of them runs deep. Logically I know that she really is not an important part of our recovery process, but I still struggle greatly with fantasies of revenge toward her. I have also considered writing her a letter and explaining to her all the ways her selfish actions have hurt me, my kids, my marriage, and many others. Can you please give me some guidance as to how to move past these feelings of rage toward the affair partner, and learn to let go of the idea of gaining any closure from her?



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