Q&A How Do I Overcome the Fear I Have with His Sexual Performance?

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Question: 

This is a very delicate question and one I am unsure how to ask. My husband had a long term emotional and sexual affair. D-Day was Dec 24, 2016 and we are doing well together in recovery. He is a changed man in so many wonderful ways and has made me feel safe in our relationship. The question that lingers in my mind is how did my husband sexually perform with his AP when he has to use drugs to have sex with me? He just turned 60 so what he is encountering may be due to his age, but my mind makes me think that sex with her was exciting but he has to have drugs to have sex with me. He sometime stops sexual activity with me to tell me he has to take something and I'll have to wait an hour until he's "ready." But there are times when he also seems like a 13 year old boy that doesn't have any control over his body and comes to me and asks me to "take care of him." I'm so confused. How do I get past the fear that his performance has to do with me? And what is going on with his lack of control at other times?

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