Q&A How Do I Overcome My Doubts and Uncertainty?

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Finally, after over 2 years since D-Day, my wife enrolled in Hope for Healing and has been participating for several weeks now. I'm proud of her taking this step but also for allowing us to stabilize our relationship and foster goodwill despite her affair and the fog she was in for about 8 months after the affair had ended. Even though it has taken her this long to get help for herself, there were some breakthroughs and steady progress along the way. However, I struggle with feeling like she still doesn't really want to be with me. We handle the business of life well and agree on finances and parenting and even have a healthy, active sex life but I feel like my wife still wants someone else, not necessarily her AP, but someone with different interests, a different personality, different cultural background, etc. I feel strongly that I'm just not her type anymore. For some background, my wife sort of went wild when she had her affair, like she regretted not sowing her wild oats and has since been playing catch-up. She still retains this attention-seeking behavior where she enjoys being the life of the party and bragging about how much she can drink or how drunk she can get. Other people think it's comical and feed into her behavior. I enjoy having a few drinks in a social setting, but not to the extent that my wife does. Frankly, I'm uncomfortable with the lifestyle she's adopted. I feel like it's an act and not the real her, but I feel forced to go along with it because if I didn't, she would rebel and double down on the raucous behavior. Still, if this is who she wants to be, affair or not, continuing a relationship with her doesn't make sense. What thoughts or advice could you offer for this situation?



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