Q&A How Do We Handle Discovery When the Affair Happened So Long Ago?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

I am 5 months out from discovery. I’m doing Harboring Hope — love it. Love my group of ladies. Love the workbook and videos. However, my husband’s infidelity was nearly 25 years ago at its conclusion. It lasted for no less than 8 years. He can’t remember the exact times. We’ve piece a timeline together based on life events. He expected to take the secret to his grave. I found out. For him the whole thing was over years ago. He’s over it. I can’t bear that he was able to have an affair to start with but to lie to me all those years is devastating.

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

How do we handle healing.....

Thank you for your response. I’m having a rough time lately. I’m thinking about throwing in the towel. I’m so sad. Your response gave me some hope.
Thanks again.

I'm in a similar situation.

I'm in a similar situation. After making a lot of headway toward healing after an affair my wife had with an old work friend she had reconnected with, she finally admitted that they had had a previous affair when they were co-workers over 30 years before. It alters our entire history in my mind since I was lied to all that time and my choices were taken away. It's very difficult for me to want to rebuild our marriage when there really never was a good marriage. It was destroyed years ago but I didn't know it until now. The bond I thought held us together through all the ups and down wasn't real. I'm sure if I had known the truth years ago we would never have stayed together all these years. Things are good between us much of the time, but the pain comes back often and I often experience depression, anger and the desire to split up and perhaps find a new relationship. However the thought of a divorce affecting our children and grandchildren make it very difficult for me to leave now. It's been over a years and a half since I got the real truth and whenever I stop and think about it for any length of time I start to feel dead inside. Is it possible to feel real love and forgiveness for someone after being lied to for decades and unknowingly staying in a sometimes difficult marriage with an unfaithful wife that I probably would have divorced 35 years ago if I had known?