Q&A Is It Better to Ignore Him When He Is Trying to Reach Out and Connect or Should I Respond in Kind to Try to Maintain the Peace?

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It has been 14 months since discovery. My husband has gone back and forth between me and the affair partner--ending, stopping, and going back. He is not willing to let me go. I've offered divorce. He’s also not willing to fully commit to the process of recovery work as a couple, or willing to commit to the goal of ending the affair as outlined in day 4 of the Boot Camp, which he signed up for himself. Due to his repeated offenses and acting out with the affair partner, I've had to place strict boundaries, but he continues to push those boundaries. We have kids together and he uses that to draw me back in through his emails because I've blocked texting. I have ignored those emails and comments a lot, which are mostly sweet or attentive, and try to implement a no contact rule with. Is it better to ignore him when he is trying to reach out and connect or should I respond in kind to try to maintain the peace? He is on a weekend getaway with his affair partner as we speak! Yet he is still emailing me at 11 pm. We have been married for 16 years and have 2 boys together. I'm very conflicted about how to handle this.



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I have been there.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I also had a husband who went back and forth between me and the AP several times. In the end, I asked him for a divorce and he has now been in a relationship with his AP since our divorce was final.

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas