Q&A My Wife Says She Didn’t Mean to Hurt Me. How Do I Respond to This?

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We are 1.5 years out from the original D-Day and have been married 29 years. My wife said to me after relapsing 2 times (that I am aware of during a 2.5 year affair with one of her first boyfriends in high school) that she didn’t mean to hurt me. She said that directly to me after I asked her to leave after I caught her on a burner phone in the middle of the night talking to the affair partner in addition to saying “There must be something wrong with me.” She said it like she really meant it but I just cannot understand it or believe it. After the original D-day and seeing the tears and pain in my eyes, seeing our kids walk out of the room when she admitted to the affair, and then seeing me crying and shaking in bed over the next 6 months, how can she say this and expect me to believe it? She is on 4 different medications for depression and anxiety, and going through menopause also. Please help me understand what she might be possibly thinking and how can I best respond to her?



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