Q&A What Am I Trying to Save Here?

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Question: 

I’m confused by my husband’s behavior not matching his words. He says he’ll do everything he can to save our marriage. He says he “gets it” & knows how badly he’s hurt me. BUT, for over 28 months he’s been slow-walking & inconsistent in recovery work. He hasn’t finished any books. Doesn’t research any of the excellent videos from Affair Recovery on his own. Doesn’t want to hear about my pain or help me heal. He does the least amount possible to sort of “check off the boxes”. I don’t feel wanted, pursued, valued, or any desperation on his part to not lose me, help me to feel safe or reconnect with me. He says all kinds of wonderful things but with no action or follow through. He’s taking Hope for Healing but everything is still about him. I’m not a priority in his life. How do I get through to him that he’s losing me? I’m still waiting for him to prove he’s safe enough to even begin to try to trust what he’s saying. Without action or trying to help me heal, I can’t get to “going forward”. There’s been no repair, no restitution, no interest in my needs even though I’ve made it clear what I’m feeling. What am I trying to save here?

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