Q&A What Are Your Thoughts Regarding My Situation?

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8 months after discovering my wife had three affairs, I'm really wavering on whether to stay or go. At first, I was extremely jealous of my wife's affairs and tried hard to win her back. The first affair occurred 24 years ago and involved very sensual sexual activity. The last two occurred within the last 2 years the first one with an acquaintance that was the husband of one of my wife's best friends who died. That affair included sex approximately 8 times. The second affair occurred with my best friend and involved only love letters and love text but no sexual contact with the exception of some hugging and kissing. I found emails between my wife and my best friend which led to the exposing of the other two affairs of which I was completely unaware. My wife seems to be stalling on the First Steps Bootcamp that we began 3 months ago we and are only beginning the fourth day. Her excuse is the time of the season, her exercise classes, and a number of other things that seem to get in her way. I tend to believe that she is not having any contact with the affair partners, however I still question if in fact that is true. I'm considering going to our cottage for a brief separation to sort things out in my mind and to do some journaling to decide. I have signed up for Harboring Hope and will begin that program in January. I believe possibly staying for the 13 weeks before making any rash decisions would be a good idea. Thank you for any suggestions.



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49 years

Thank you for addressing my situation. To answer your questions; she did volunteer the disclosure of the other two affairs during 7 weeks of intense discussions. She has now become involved with bootcamp work and does suggest we sit down and go through the work completed.
We have been married 49 years and she is going to a counselor for codependency after Rick Reynolds explanation of what it is. As we watched the video, it became clear she had all the symptoms. Her last two affairs with my friend and best friend were due to a need for validation and praise. I have realize my part of the problems in our marriage but stress to her that she is totally responsible for her choices and she now understands that.
I'm looking forward to my HH group so I can openly share my deep pain and dispair with other men that truly understand.
Thanks again!

Married 45 Years

D-Day for me was 35 years ago.

Due to my UW having a very recent emotional affair, which she denies. (I ended it when I caught it at the very beginning due to a gut feeling I had that resonated with the affair 35 years ago)

We are both signed up for HH and H4H after having completed the Bootcamp.

Here's my question.

Are you still together? Did those two courses help you (stay together)?

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas