Q&A Why Is My Spouse So Stuck on the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

My husband has had another affair, this is the third one that I know of, with the same person in the last 14 years. It is his ex-girlfriend from when he was 17 years old we are in our fifties now. Every time we go through the same thing, I find out and he wants me back, promises me the moon and stars, we both go through therapy, we manage to put the relationship back together and then a couple of years later we start the story again. Why is he so stuck on the women then never wants her as soon as I find out? How am I ever going to feel safe with this going on every couple of years?

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This question has many

This question has many similarity to my situation. My mate keeps going back to the AP. When discovered say and does many of the same things. I never thought to look at it the way Leslie described, that he may really not want to lose me and it may not be about love with the AP. Thank you for this perspective.