Q&A Am I Controlling My Spouse or Is This the Appropriate Way to Set Boundaries?

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I have a list of about 10 things that I asked of my husband to make me feel safe after his affairs. One of those things is to cut his drinking down to 1-2 times per week and to only drink when I’m around so his inhibitions aren't lowered. He sometimes pushes these boundaries along with others I have put on the list and when I see him breaking his agreement I basically just lecture him. He sits there like he’s in the principals office… Then next month he’s off to breaking another boundary. He seems to think it’s not a big deal to have a beer a couple of times per week, respond to text messages late, or take several months (after years of infidelity) to finally delete social media. All of these are examples of things on the list I made. I don’t think this is working. My husband is a thrill seeker and claims that’s why he had his affairs along with the ego boost it gave him. I think he just likes breaking the rules or thinks the rules don’t apply to him. He says he forgot or didn’t think it was a big deal etc. The boundaries are written down and he signed that he agreed to do these things. How do I address this constant crossing of boundaries? Can you give some particular examples?



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