Q&A Can I Speak to the Affair Partner in this Situation?

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Question: 

On 14 June 2015 my husband one day told me he doesn't love me anymore. I was devastated.In around April he started to withdraw from me. We had financial difficulties. I thought it was because of this and his father who was staying with us. I then suspected someone else. The woman that worked with both of us in the same office. She was also my friend. She was pregnant at a stage with her and her husband's 2nd child . My husband kept on denying everything ext. On 7 Nov 2016 he at long lasted admitted that they had an affair for about 4 months. It was emotional and sexual. He promised me it isn't his child. We confronted her and made her tell her husband. She stills works with us. I have to see her every Monday when we all have to be at the office. We work through her. We only communicate via email. It really kills me. I feel that there is still information that he isn't sharing.I would have never ever thought he would do such a thing. They both lied so much in that time. We spend a lot of time together outside of work. She told me she loved me and send me all this Christian messages ext. I really want to talk to her and find out the detail that I feel he is not sharing. I know she would probably lie. But I still want to know. She was my friend. Can I talk to her? When we confronted her and thereafter she hasn't once said that she is sorry or showed remorse.

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I'm sorry, but I am shocked

I'm sorry, but I am shocked at Rick's answer! This AP should no longer be employed here, for both the husband's and the wife's sake! One of the first things we learned at AR is all contact between APs must immediately be severed. Who is to say that this affair has truly ended? This is a very unwise scenario, and a hindrance to the wife's safety end recovery.

As far as speaking to the AP, I agree that the wife shouldn't necessarily believe everything she says, especially in light of the fact that she is not showing remorse. That is a huge red flag. As with the woman's own husband, the AP will need to take responsibility for her role in the affair and work hard to regain the wife's trust. That will come with time and authentic transformation on their parts.

I think the main thing the wife needs to communicate about with the AP is getting a paternity test.

Hi Rick

Hi Rick
Thank you for answering my question. Sorry I think I wrote it wrong. The messages she sent to me was during the time that they had the affair. She even bought our 2 boys 2 shirts with Christian messages on them during the affair. I definitely will never have a relationship with her of any kind again. She still shows no remorse and is even rude. The questions I would like to ask her is maybe to find out if what my husband told me is all truth. But I know she wouldn't be the best candidate to ask. Thank you i will have to pray about it. God bless

What type of affair was it?

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