Q&A Can She Do More for Me?

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Question: 

We are in our 9th month of recovery and I feel like my wife doesn't understand the hurt and pain she has caused me. She was unfaithful for 2 years. We have been to EMS weekend and are currently in our 13th week of MFL. She is also close to finishing Hope for Healing. We have done a lot of work on this topic so I feel like she should know what means the most to betrayed spouses in the healing process. But I feel like she is willing to make amends only on her terms. I have been asking for sincere apologies and remorse (initiated by her) about her affair and she tells me she feels like she is doing this, but I disagree. A passing "I'm sorry" or a quick "I hate that you are feeling this way." is helpful, but I am asking for more. I let her know how it would make me feel if she were able to express her remorse in a very direct way 5 months ago, but she is not willing to do that. She tells me that it's very uncomfortable for her to apologize directly and she tells me that by instructing on how to do this I am trying to control her. She asks me what I need, I share that with her, and I feel like she's not willing to do what I am asking. We seem to get stuck on this one. Please help.

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