Q&A What Can I Do About My Friends?

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Question: 

Rick, I am having a hard time with how to respond to friends. I only have a handful of girlfriends that know most of what I've been going through. They were the ones I would go to for "support" and for a shoulder to cry on. I have stayed away from almost everyone since ems weekend in dec. and they've shown concern. Asking me how I've been and when could we hang out. I don't want to push them away since they've been nothing but supportive and in their own way have tried to comfort me. Of course they haven't gone thru what I've gone thru. But I appreciate their effort. I want to socialize with them again but my spouse gets triggered so easily. We're a Both. And we're doing married for life on week 14. I'm being as transparent as I can be. And he's going thru emdr which causes for more flooding and triggers. I am still trying to find myself and doing what I like to do. Which at this point it's about two or three things. And one of those things is hanging out with my friends. Engaging in "normal" conversations. I don't want it to be where it's me taking about my problems all the time. I actually want to be as far away from that as possible! I'm not in denial. I see where I'm at. And I think that if my girlfriends are going out of their way to ask me how I'm doing, inviting me to hang out... I'd like that very much. What would you suggest? Being a stay at home mom, with 4kids, one with autism, realizing that my old life is no more due to the person I married, whom I don't know anymore... I feel like I've been locked away. Should I remain locked in this dungeon of doom until he isn't triggered anymore? Or would it be ok for me to do things I like in order to find "myself" once again? I should mention that I did start seeing a therapist. And she offered a partners therapy group. But due to financial issues, I'm unable to attend anytime soon. I had to cancel my one to one. And there isn't a support group like CR for partners of addicts near me. This sucks Rick. I just want to be over it already. Thanks for all you do!

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Mate doesn't like it, but can't come up with reasons why

The truth is my friends know about his affair. And I was out with some, when the acting out on my part, happened. Without my girlfriends knowing about it. Not until after and not in detail. The thing is, there's a link to everyone and almost everything. Places. Even license plates that trigger him. I'm not fully healed from his betrayal and suddenly I'm in the roll of unfaithful and it's driving me nuts. I've just kept my distance from everyone. And I will make new friends soon in this partners support group. Thanks for your advice.

What type of affair was it?

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