Q&A Is a Deeper Understanding Necessary for Truly Forgiving?

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My husband of 29 years was adulterously involved with a coworker for 13 years. We're just beyond 6 months past Dday. We completed EMSO and are continuing with the Married For Life program. My spouse has taken full responsibility for his actions, and is proactive in both his and my recovery. After some very painful grieving, I have progressively experienced healing, which has allowed me to reestablish physical intimacy, and have positive feelings for my husband. 

However, over the past few days, I've been processing aspects of the betrayal that are more specific, such as if he said "I love you" to her, how much planning went into their trysts, etc. This has brought a resurgence of hurt over the adultery that is incredibly painful, and is causing attachment distress. It's as if I'm realizing how despicable and insane his betrayal truly was, at a deeper level. I wonder why I am hurting so much again. Could it be that right after Dday, I was so traumatized, I was unable to process specific aspects of the adultery fully, and now that I'm healthier, I am capable of taking a closer look, and touch the wounds again? Do you think doing so is unnecessary or unhealthy? My gut tells me it isn't - that by asking these questions, I am gaining a deeper understanding of what I truly need to forgive.

Rick's Suggested Resources:

"Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken" by Cindy Beall, Craig Groeschel; also available for Kindle.



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Similar circumstances

Your situation sounds similar to mine. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and he had an 8 year affair. We are 4 months from dday. He has taken responsibility and is trying to do what is needed to help us both heal. We are planning to take EMSO and I would be very interested in hearing about your experience with that. Would you send me a private message? ch142

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