Q&A Do I Stay Separated or Divorce If This Never Changes?

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My spouse used pornography almost daily for four years. It started when I moved out of state for work, which he was in agreement, but subconsciously, it hurt him. I wanted a career change, a better marriage and not to face his temper or silence anymore. So, I moved away, but I missed my spouse terribly. He didn’t like the idea of joining me and moving to a new area, even though I had the better job and his work was becoming less satisfying and potentially could go under. So, I returned home about a year later determined to have a better marriage and be a better wife. I also became more charismatic in my Christian faith. We were both Christians even before we got married 33 years ago. My husband has been an elder in our Baptist Church. He never liked it when I pointed out the Bible verse, that elders are to be temperate. Nor did he like when our church indirectly showed us the door because I raised my hands during worship. We left our church and my husband was fine with me finding our next church. I found one, but it took him a year to join me. I say, this because my husband has been hurt and resentful (unbeknownst to me) for my leaving for a year, pointing out an elder needs to be temperate and at our church rejecting my new way of worship. These things happened in correlation with his double life of using porn. Now, he won’t go to church, resents me for kicking him out several times, has an alcohol problem and has been stonewalling until 4 days ago we have been able to chat in the mornings on the phone. I suspect he doesn’t call at night because he’s drinking. It has been 21 months since D-day and we are in the 5th week of EMS Online. We both want to make a decision by the end of the course whether to stay married. At this point I have told him no more drinking or I cannot be with him. Do I stay separated or divorce if this never changes, since it is swapping one addiction for another?



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