Q&A At What Point is Reconciliation Not Possible?

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I'm the betrayed spouse and we are 11 months from D-Day; the affair occurred 10 years ago. Although I'm sure I could do more to help with my spouse's recovery, I have tried to provide a safe place by actively participating during discussions about the affair while also significantly modifying my unsafe behaviors. Since D-day I have enrolled into faith based marriage counseling, enrolled into EMS online, recommitted my life to Jesus, attend church regularly, attend Celebrate Recovery to include a 12 step study program weekly, given my spouse complete access to my life (e-mail, text, phone records, Facebook, etc.), and spend time when not at work with my spouse. The problem is that my spouse's recovery is getting worse instead of better, of course we are approaching the anniversary but it’s been getting worse for the last couple of months. Getting worse includes: unwillingness to consider forgiveness, treatment of me in relation to personal attacks and criticism, refrains from an intimate relationship (a kiss, saying I love you, sexual relations, etc.) of any kind, constantly reminding me of what a failure in every part of my life I have been, you get the point. I'm aware that recovery can take 18-24 months. My concern is at what point should the unfaithful realize that reconciliation and forgiveness is not possible for the betrayed and it's best to end the relationship for everyone's sake? I know every case is unique but any advice and insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.



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