Q&A Have We Both Betrayed Each Other?

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Question: 

For 2 months I was texting long distance with an old flame I reconnected with on social media. I told my spouse from the start, fully never expecting it to turn into more than catching up after 20 years. Old feelings resurfaced, however, and it’s crossed into a long distance emotional affair. Through this, however, my spouse has come to disclose his own smallish infidelities over the years... dabbling in porn, spending unnecessary time with female coworkers on business trips, and 5 years ago going to an inappropriate massage parlor where sexual touching was involved. I now feel that these things he was doing and keeping secret led to the emotional disconnect between us, which contributed to me being vulnerable to an emotional connection with someone else. Who is the unfaithful here? If we go through EMSO, should my husband be the unfaithful since his betrayals were first, or should I be the unfaithful since mine is current and emotional? Do you consider what he did to be betrayals, or am I overreacting?

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