Q&A How Can I Convince My Mate to Be Tested for STD's?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My husband’s affair ended about 6 months ago. We still have not been able to have sex. In the Harboring Hope book on page 96, you mention that you recommend that couples follow a "sexual reprogramming guide". Where is this guide? Also, my husband refuses to get tested for STDs. He says that she was for sure a virgin and there is no need. His AP was a Christian and in her early 20s and I sort of believe she was a virgin, that is hard for me to handle if it is really the truth. I feel like if someone was a virgin then they wouldnt be the type of person to have an affair. But, anyway, how do I convince my husband that he needs to get tested for STDs before we have sex again? Thanks for all that you do. Your videos and articles have helped me so much.



RL_Media Type: 

regarding STD testing

Anyone who has had an affair should have STD testing. An afair, by definition is deception, and a lie. One cannot trust that the affair partner told your spouse the truth about being a virgin. Even if she did tell your husband the truth, how does one know she did not have other sorts of sexual contact with other partners? There are STD's, such as herpes and syphyllis, that can be contracted by skin to skin contact. Can one be certain that your husband had sex only with this one AP? Because there is no way to be certain the AP is telling the truth, one might consider her, and therefore your spouse, as having had sex with multiple sex partners, and therefore high risk for STDs. It is completely reasonable for you to request his getting tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphyllis, (HSV type II specific IgG) herpes,trichomonas, hepatitis B, and (if born between 1945 and 1965 or other high risk factors) hepatitis C.

STD testing is really not a big deal. Most health departments do it. The gonorrhea , trichomonas, and chlamydia can be obtained from a urine specimen, and the remainder with a blood draw. It is the responsible thing for your husband to do.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas