I have watched videos and read the library blogs for the defensiveness topic. My question is still unanswered. The affair ended 21 months ago. I accept full responsibility for the affair and have discovered many of my "why's". My husband is working hard in his own healing journey and we discuss the affair every day. I would say we are doing a lot of great work and progress is very slow because of his pain and sadness. We have been married 29 years and he is heart broken. Since I do not blame him for any of my actions and I am not angry or hurt by him for the things I did, I am not defensive in the way Samuel or Rick use in their videos or blogs. For me, it's when my husband tells me what I was thinking or what I was feeling or what I was doing during the affair, and I disagree with him. I try to give him my side of it by telling him honestly how I felt or thought or what really happened, but that is when he tells me I am being defensive and he feels unsafe because I won't stop being defensive. I know my Hope for Healing course said to practice being wrong and let the betrayed spouse be wrong and not correct them. I have a hard time with that because if I let him continue thinking the incorrect way, he will take that as the truth and that could or would change the narrative and facts, leading him down the wrong path which would make things worse. How can I help him heal and yet remain open and honest with him about the facts and not what his feelings about the facts are?