Q&A How Can I Help My Mate Stop Living in the Past?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I am the unfaithful and my wife and I are 10 months from D-Day. This week has been very difficult as that day looks closer. My spouse keeps referring to what I was doing and how I was acting out. She continues to ask, “how could someone who says they loved me do this?” I continue to apologize and show empathy but it gets to a point where the blame and answer to all questions are, “You caused this to happen”. These instances bring large amounts of guilt and shame so much so that I either shut down and retreat or get upset and lash out. I am at wits end. I don't know what else to do to help my spouse. I know that her pain and hurt are as a result of my actions. I see she suffers from PTSD caused by me. She has now started to look at my affair as a taint on other past days before the affair including our marriage date (married for 15 years). How can I help her to stop living in the past or at least to only occasionally visit it and recognize it as the past?



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas