My husband has told me he has zero feelings of loss or grief for the AP, in fact the day he disclosed to me he shut that door with relief, glad to be finally done with it as he had been searching for a way out. What he has expressed to me is that he feels terrible about having used another human being for his own unmet needs. It wasn’t about her, it was about him wanting to feel admired and masculine. She meant nothing to him emotionally and he pimped tenderness to achieve a goal. At first it really bothered me that he had any feelings about hurting her as I thought she had made her own stupid choices knowing he was married. But I’ve since realized that I really wouldn’t want to be married to a jerk who didn’t care about his ill treatment of others. I married a caring and sensitive guy who for a time acted in a horribly self-centered way, why would I expect him to feel nothing about his actions? This realization has helped me. I still have little sympathy for her though, left alone with not even a goodbye. His last and only words to her were, “I’m telling my wife everything.” Then silence from him. In my mind she deserves nothing more for being foolish, and hopefully this is a hard-earned lesson for her going into future relationships.