Q&A How Can the Wayward Spouse Resolve the Guilt They Have about the Consequences They Caused for the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

My husband feels guilty for giving up his affair partner, who is married, as he feels he dragged her into the affair since he made the first move in expressing his feelings for her. His affair partner has told him that she had feelings for him for over a year before my husband ever took any steps towards initiating the affair. It’s almost like he has empathy for his affair partner who had a choice to get into the affair or not but not me, who had no choice in it! How do you explain this and how can my husband resolve his guilt feelings for his affair partner?

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My husband has told me he has

My husband has told me he has zero feelings of loss or grief for the AP, in fact the day he disclosed to me he shut that door with relief, glad to be finally done with it as he had been searching for a way out. What he has expressed to me is that he feels terrible about having used another human being for his own unmet needs. It wasn’t about her, it was about him wanting to feel admired and masculine. She meant nothing to him emotionally and he pimped tenderness to achieve a goal. At first it really bothered me that he had any feelings about hurting her as I thought she had made her own stupid choices knowing he was married. But I’ve since realized that I really wouldn’t want to be married to a jerk who didn’t care about his ill treatment of others. I married a caring and sensitive guy who for a time acted in a horribly self-centered way, why would I expect him to feel nothing about his actions? This realization has helped me. I still have little sympathy for her though, left alone with not even a goodbye. His last and only words to her were, “I’m telling my wife everything.” Then silence from him. In my mind she deserves nothing more for being foolish, and hopefully this is a hard-earned lesson for her going into future relationships.

I am in a similar situation.

I am in a similar situation. My husband has 0 feelings for his former AP since revealing and had none months before d-day of him telling me As he said he felt trapped in the sin so he stayed in it. So him shutting the door quick even though she fought to keep it open showed how he processes things. It helped me too.