Q&A How Can We Overcome past Promises of Leaving after Betrayal?

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Question: 

Like with many others out there, my spouse promised me before we got married that if I betrayed her she'd leave me, no questions asked. Now, 2.5 months past D-day (1.5 week physical affair during business travel, followed by 2 months of sexting) this concept continues to be a main tenant of our talks and serves as a major emotional trigger for both of us. Me, because it feels like a continual threat of divorce and for her as I believe she feels like she's being inauthentic to herself for even considering staying.

We have a young daughter, 10 years together, and though I understand I threw everything about our lives into question through my actions, I can't help feel like that statement is keeping us entirely stuck. Somehow I convinced her to do the bootcamp with me and we have enrolled in EMSO; we have good and bad days like everyone else, but the walls keep going up around her. I hear "I don't even want to talk to you", "I don't care about you", she no longer wears her ring, and "you knew what would happen" nearly every day. It's almost as if she's trying to put up walls because she feels she has to based on her promise to leave rather than an actual desire to go.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on overcoming past promises and blocking out attempts to communicate.

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