Q&A How Do I Continue Supporting Her While Taking Care of My Heart and Mental Health?

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Three months ago my wife confirmed my suspicions of an affair several years earlier. I have tried to make sense of the affair which was so destructive to her self esteem, relationships, and career. As we continue to move forward in this process, a sad and painful pattern continues to appear, which is for my wife to feel targeted, unsafe, and without a voice when men begin to make sexual and physical advances, which then triggers a PTSD freeze compliant response. I am incredibly empathetic to her situation, past abuse, and feelings of self-worth. However, disclosure has been going on for approximately 3 1/2 months, and each time she reviles something to me, it is always only a fraction of the story, and takes me holding and coaxing the rest out of her. The process is emotionally painful and triggering for her, and heartbreaking and painstaking for me to the point where it is really hindering any progress or motivation I have in our EMS program. It has gotten to the place where we have gone from extremely intimate, to me being afraid to let myself be physically vulnerable, when she is able to lie and minimize so quickly and without hesitation. How do I continue supporting her while taking care of my heart and mental health?



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