Q&A How Do I Deal With My Spouse’s Defensiveness?

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My husband is still defensive. We are 11 months post discovery of a long term sexual & emotional affair and 4 months post discovery of a short emotional affair that happened 25 years ago. I have completed Harboring Hope and we are in week 13 of EMS Online. My husband told me of a short conversation at his work with his affair partner’s daughter and another female co-worker. As both affairs took place where he still works and he had pics of his affair partner and her daughter on his phone; I asked him, in the future, to not engage with conversations with this girl or any female unless it was absolutely necessary for his job. I did thank him for telling me about the conversation. He got defensive and after a long talk and me crying he said he “just won’t have any friends” and he said he feels like I’m trying to control him. I told him that neither one of us can have friends of the opposite sex nor should we have any personal conversations with them period. He says he understands; but I can’t shake the feeling that I need to put my guard back up, due to his defensiveness. Am I wrong for feeling that way? Any suggestions?



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