Q&A How Do I Deal with This New Information That I Apparently Am Incompatible with Her Now?

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Five months ago my wife told me she had a 5 year affair and it ended when the affair partner did not leave his wife for her. We attended EMS Weekend and she is now seeing a counselor for significant childhood trauma and I mean significant! I was told by her she loves me but not like a husband yet at this point. I sent a video by Rick talking about why the feelings were different with affair sex vs marriage sex. She said she did not want to talk about sex at all but then grew angry and told me we were sexually incompatible and the sex throughout the years with me was not great as was a surprise to me as in the past she told me the opposite and even said it was like we were made for each other, of course this was 10 years ago. She further told me I was not attractive to her which was also a surprise as two weeks ago even though she related the affair partner had more physically attractive features than me, she still thought I was attractive. I lost my hair a few years ago and I am not as muscular as the affair partner, but I have been told by others I am a good looking guy, I just wish my wife had that opinion. All of this is very confusing to me and extremely hurtful. My wife said I only asked the difference in sexual feelings questions to fuel my ego, I can certainly say I have none left after hearing about how she now says we are not sexually compatible. We have not seen each other in 2 and a half months due to my job and won’t see her again until Christmas which I am nervous about. She was doing well with talking to me over the phone until this conversation and the occasional “let me work on me before I can work on us” issue as I often want to try to do some type of relationship building but she rejects it by using her own counseling as a way to hold “us”counseling off I feel. How do I deal with this new information that I apparently am incompatible with her now, and why does this one topic not only gets her upset but has her start mocking me as well? She says she loves me, but is very hurtful when I try to get her to open up.



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