Q&A How Do I Handle the Injustice of It All?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

Something I do not understand is that the betrayed spouse is the one who bears the pain. They get no pleasure whatsoever in this whole deal. They get no great memories. It seems we are forced into a situation like Jesus where He never responded to their taunts and torture. What is it about the inequality? So much of Christianity is the opposite of what we naturally think. Is there some big spiritual lesson and privilege in being the naïve fool? Aside from eventually healing and the benefits of a better-than-before marriage (which we are starting to experience) why is there so much injustice in all of this? I often have a pity party over this. He had to repent but then came forgiveness and then after a lot or a little time, guilt leaves them for the most part and they get to act and feel normal. I have yet to bury my (his) demons, find peace (normalcy) and build myself up yet. I feel the battle for my mind will go on forever.

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

The Injustice of It All

The injustice of it all was a painful video to listen to since I can picture the humiliation and pain of the sins of the world past, present and future being put on Christ for our salvation. I understand how this action could be considered imitating God’s love for us while we were yet sinners.
My issue is that for the many betrayed who were innocent and undeserving, doesn’t the Bible teach that it is all right to divorce yourself from the pain inflicted on you by the unfaithful, unrepentant spouse?
The apology I got when discovering my husband’s double life for 26 years out of 34 years of marriage was, “I didn’t want you to find out.” No remorse, no effort to help with the massive destruction that crushed me. I had tolerated his abusive nature for all those years believing his problem to be entirely alcohol abuse and I felt I was married for better or worse, sickness and health. I feel I have already walked that path for the past 26 years. Now that I am retired, I have to live alone, in fear of losing everything I have worked for during my entire life? How much does God expect? The lies were so many. And his affair partner’s husband is dying of cancer so he can go to her soon. We are separated because he is not safe, not repentant, but he throws around words saying I never stopped loving you. He uses boundaries so I am not permitted to even say it is sin because that is hate talk and makes him feel badly.
I will join the previous writer’s pity party. I have a distant memory of 8 good years of marriage and then he got two DWI's in four months and began the affair with the woman who gave him the alcohol for his second DUI. He had a third DUI four years ago when he had been texting with her while on a business trip. I had struggled a lifetime to forgive him for the drinking problem,as did our daughter. But this makes life feel not worth living. There is no future of a better than ever marriage for me being separated at 65 years old. I have lost 20 pounds in the last 11 weeks and am down to skin and bones because the thought of what he has done is killing me.
I know the answer, I was unequally yoked together with an unbeliever and I have paid for that for a lifetime. I am registered in the next Harboring Hope session and do hope to find healing even though there can not be reconciliation. I am working on forgiving but it is painful. As so many of your videos have said, often the unfaithful gets counseling and the betrayed suffers alone. Even my Christian neighbor who initially was being kind to me, suddenly turned and said some shaming things about what did I do to make him turn away from me? I remained silent, but I wanted to scream I don’t know; I was alive that day – was that enough to make him decide to have an affair?

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer