Q&A How Do I Handle My New Fears as a Result of the Infidelity?

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Question: 

I’m 8 months past D-Day #2 with my wayward husband. 1.5 years into our marriage, I discovered his infidelity. Eventually we returned to pretend normal, and he became unfaithful again 3 years later, and hid it for another year. We’ve completed EMSO, and both been to counseling. I’ve dealt with bouts of anxiety on and off since D-Day #1 (and some post traumatic stress between D-Days), but lately, I’ve been experiencing sudden, intense moments of existential crisis. Not in the “what is the meaning of life?” way, but as in realizing my own mortality, feeling terrified at the thought that one day I’ll die and the world will go on despite my nonexistence, and feeling disturbed at the fact that I can’t even comprehend my own nonexistence. I then feel afraid that I could die at anytime. My stomach knots up, I get short of breath, anxiety floods through my hands, then after a moment I’m able to dismiss it. Before now, these thoughts happened 2-3 times in my entire life (I’m in my late 20’s). But for the last 2 months, it’s been about once every day, sometimes more. Is this possibly a weird response to betrayal trauma? Is this my brain’s way of taking my mind off the pain of infidelity and distracting me with another terrible thing? Or is this something else? I don’t know what to do with these thoughts other than keep dismissing them, but it’s concerning that they keep coming back.

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