Q&A How Do I Make My Mate Feel Safe After All of This?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

My mate and I are 8 months from D-Day and have completed the EMS Online course. I had taken the course as the betrayed partner at the time. I engaged in an emotional and physical affair with a co worker and am now the unfaithful. My partner had done everything to change for me, and due to my resentment and lack of empathy, I betrayed him. I feel that I don’t have the right to express my concerns in that, but it worries me. I desperately want this to work, but I’ve left an overwhelming mess to clean up. I have abused my mate’s trust numerous times throughout the healing process and taken advantage of him. We are both terrified of trusting each other. How do I make him feel safe after this? How do we move on? Is there still hope for us?

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

I Had A Revenge Affair Too

I am in a similar situation in having a revenge affair and taking EMS Online as an unfaithful. My unfaithful spouse has abandoned all safety procedures such as being transparent with his phone. I have the passwords, but he says it’s over if I go through his devices. He gets upset when I express my own triggers I still have or things I’m individually work though. He feels like my priority is not him if I still express these things. I feel alone. I don’t know if I have the right in asking for safety as an unfaithful. I’m upset at myself for having the affair because all it’s done is damage us further. Do I focus on helping him heal and working through my intrusive thoughts alone? Was it the right time to bring up my need for safety?