Q&A Is this what PTSD Looks Like?

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I am still dealing with my husband's two affairs with his coworker that happened over a period of twenty years. D-day 1 was two and a half years ago and for 18 months of that time; he led me to believe that the affairs were strictly emotional. I took Harboring Hope, we attended EMS Weekend, we saw several therapists and I grieved my way through and was in the process of recovering well. Then D-day 2 happened one year ago and it was then that the real truth came out. His affairs were not only deeply emotional but also physical and encompassed much more deception than I could have ever imagined. He lied his way through EMS Weekend, our after-care group calls, and 5 different therapists. During the year since D-day 2, he started seeing an individual therapist, took Hope for Healing, and we just finished EMS Online in which even more details of his affairs were revealed. He now appears to be trying very hard to work on himself, make amends for the devastation he caused, and show that he is repentant. He says that he doesn't even think about the AP or the affairs unless I bring them up. He seems to be recovering very well. It's me that is still in a deep hole. A therapist said that I have PTSD, but didn't go into much detail. I am still flooding frequently, tiny little triggers send me over the edge, I still check his phones and our phone bills, I get edgy when he is late getting home from work, I worry incessantly that he is seeing her when he is at work or when he travels on weekends, I have nightmares--IF I can even get to sleep, I want to talk about the affairs or ask questions every day.... after all the courses and therapists, I don't feel like I am getting any better. The affairs are on my mind every waking moment. I feel like the last 20 years of my life and my marriage have been one huge lie. I am still hurt and angry and can't find forgiveness after the revelations of D-day 2 and EMS Online. There are still days that I don't want to get out of bed and I am isolating myself from friends and family. Is this what PTSD looks like? And if it is, is there any other treatment besides EMDR? I desperately want to feel better. I have been dealing with the intense pain for over two and a half years now and I am emotionally worn out to the point of emptiness. If I didn't feel hurt and anger, I wouldn't feel anything at all. Would you mind explaining what you think might going on with me and if sounds like PTSD, and if so, what might help (besides EMDR)? Thank you.



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