My husband has been unfaithful entire marriage. It started with keeping the secret of depression and suicidal thoughts most of his life. After 10 years of marriage it started with pornography, cam girls, dating sites, apps, strip clubs and massage parlors. Then went on a "Sugar Daddy" site and had an emotional and physical affair with 26 year old prostitute. He told her in an email he loved her and she is the most beautiful woman he's ever known and she's perfect. That was heartbreaking to read. It lasted about 8 months because she moved out of state. He met countless others and had sex with 5 more prostitutes until I found out in Sept 2018. He immediately stopped everything, is on medication for depression, and is working hard to restore marriage. I'm struggling with intrusive thoughts and comparisons. I'm 49 years old and 190lbs. My self esteem is shot. All the women were half my size, gorgeous, and all we're in their 20’s, the same ages as our children. I'm disgusted about that. Why is he not disgusted? How do I work through all that and feel he finds me attractive knowing he's been with women so young, thin, gorgeous and telling a 26 year old prostitute that he loves her and she's the most beautiful woman?