Q&A How do I Respond to Continual Lies?

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Hi Rick,

Recently, we had our 2nd anniversary for D-Day and my husband seems to no longer have inappropriate relationships. But the trust level is at zero or below because he continues to lie, mainly about small things that would not be devastating. I am worn out because it rocks my world each time. His father doesn't want to disappoint his wife, and lies to her; so, I guess you could say that my husband comes by it honestly.

Nothing seems to help. In addition to EMS Weekend, he's been to Every Man's Battle, we have had a ton of counseling, read material, etc. It's been established that he is intimacy impaired and narcissistic, but it's not easily recognizable, as he has the nicest demeanor of just about anyone you might ever meet.

I know I need to focus on my healing, but how do I get anywhere when I'm on edge, wondering when the next bomb is going to drop?. I’m unnerved by this. We dated for two and a half years and have been married for almost 19 years, and he's lied many, many times throughout all the years. How do I discern whether to hang in there, in hopes that something will click inside that he realizes that he can't do that anymore, or when to throw in the towel? He is a well-respected minister, though he hasn't preached in probably a year. I'm worried that one day it will cause scandal when someone finds out that he was a porn addict, had inappropriate relationships with other women, is a liar, etc. And if/when I can no longer deal with all this and I leave; even if others don't know why, it will be heartbreaking to those who have been ministered to. I feel like I am in a catch twenty-two.



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