Q&A How Do We Deal With Deflection and Blame?

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Question: 

My husband has put much effort into the lessons and letters, which seem genuine as far as empathy and are almost exactly what I need to hear. We have a long history of non- and faulty communication for which I take much of the responsibility, beginning years before the brief infidelity. Now when I even bring up a minor thing such as "please close the refrigerator door" or "would you remember to close the windows", I get a backlash of blame for all the years I was an unpleasant person (for which I have done much individual counseling), as well as contempt and deflection. I suspect this is all coming from a place of shame, but that is his to deal with, and meantime, I don't know how much more of this wounding I can take.

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