Q&A How Long Is Long Enough?

How long is long enough…

We are 19 months past D-day and I am the hurt spouse. We’ve completed EMS Online about 8 months ago. We were OK during the course and thereafter but things blew up again mostly due to lack of intimacy from my wife. I have always had much higher sex drive than her so her sexual affair was a complete kick in the head for me. Subsequent to the blow-up, however, a number of old behavioural patterns in our relationship have re-emerged. Silent treatment and inability of my wife to discuss issues - I am predominantly the one bringing matters to the table. Throughout the recovery, I felt always being the one with the initiative to learn, recover, change, heal - my wife seemed passive or passively enthusiastic at best. I need her empathy, understanding and ability to acknowledge the hurt she caused me in order for me to get over the current hump. But I feel that she may not be unable to do so due to either her pride or personality. I am ready to call it quits as I see no hope to expect her to change. I don’t control her – she controls herself. If she does not see the matters as I do and I am unable to describe them such that she does, what else is left? I can’t wait forever hoping that she will get it –it’s unfair to me and to her.