Q&A I Want Permission to Leave.

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Question: 

I want someone to give me permission to leave my spouse. I want to take the kids and flee to my parents, and leave my spouse in God’s hands. My faith leaves me no option other than to keep offering my spouse love and forgiveness, but does this mean I have to keep living with him? I’m so exhausted by living with a man who magnifies my faults and sees me through such a negative lens. This is especially hurtful during a time when I feel I’m showing the best of my character… my capacity to love in the midst of immeasurable hurt, to forgive whether or not its deserved, to see goodness in him when it’s not earned. I understand that this is part of him “dehumanizing” me. He has convinced himself he doesn’t love me and chooses to see only the worst in me in order to justify his “love” for his “soul mate.” We are 9 months post D-day but he still struggles with letting go of his feelings for his limerant affair partner and does not have loving feelings toward me. I love my husband and want our marriage to succeed… but does this require I continue to live with him? It feels so unhealthy to expose myself to his critical eye while I’m trying to heal. Will he be able to regain his love for me even if I separate from him, or will this doom us to failure?

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