Adding on to the question "Is this as good as it gets?" . I have done Harboring Hope, read books, and counseling until the councilor told us we wouldn’t progress until my husband was willing to do the hard work to reconnect with his feelings. Rick you said you were "Emotionally constipated" and Stephanie helped you with that after disclosure. I think that my husband is emotionally circumcised. My husband did Hope For Healing..... half way. I saw no change. My husband has suggested that we go to EMS weekend... but we have done EMSO and are still in our Married for life group (for the time being) and really I am not sure that it would help. I want nothing more than to make our marriage work, but I can ever fully heal if things remain how they are now. I made all the compromises I can make. He thinks he has "done enough" to "repair the damage" and that no matter what he does it will never be enough. I have seen other men say and do WHATEVER it s, my husband says that, but never follows through. He does everything halfass, as if our marriage is not worth a full effort. I believe I will always love him, but I can’t keep compromising myself. We are still in the same house due to holidays and my wondering about your statement about people divorcing not being any happier 5 years later. Just not sure I can wait to find out.