Q&A Is It Healthy for Me to Withdraw My Commitment for Complete Honesty?

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Question: 

Rick my husband is a sex addict we are in EMSO week 11 and therapy, I have completed HH. I have always known my husband was an addict. Alcohol has been a problem, drugs, porn, the internet, video games and now massage parlors. Now that I understand the part of me that was broken and allowed for that broken thinking that pursued and maintain a relationship despite my knowledge of these behaviors. I know that I no longer wish to continue attempting to build or rebuild a marriage with an addict who is still holding on to the belief he is in control of one or two of his addictive substances of choice. I am at a crossroads. I know I have committed to a year of no major decisions. I have asked for abstinence of the following behaviors during our year of no major decisions: Drugs, Alcohol, porn, social media, video games and late night surfing. I have been patient over the course of EMSO waiting for him to get it and accept that my needs are reasonable. He is not there. I can not make him meet my safety needs and it is inappropriate to try. I am responsible for my own safety I need to create my own safety. I think that means I need to withdraw my commitment to complete honesty through this process in order to protect myself as he is still not safe enough for me. Is this the healthy way to handle this?

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Should I share my deepest feelings with an unsafe spouse?

If your spouse isn't safe, then you need to guard your heart and protect yourself emotionally. Only share what won't be used against you or for manipulation. You may be dealing with his addictions at this point. Addictions take lots of time and recovery work in order to lose the strong grip they have on people.