Q&A Is It Okay to Ask for 90 Days of Abstinence?

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Question: 

My unfaithful spouse and I are in the emso course and there's a question about addressing the barriers to reconnecting where I'm to ask you a question if I can't find it in the library. So the barriers I've listed are -I've forgotten who I am in trying to be what he desires -I don't think he would really choose me, he has chosen porn more than once in our recovery course alone -I don't feel more special than a very young girl in a dirty video -I've spent years trying to want what he wants and now I compartmentalize the physical parts. In the course this week you mention 90 days of sexual abstinence, I feel like that might actually help me and our intimacy in a lot of ways, however my husband has never been very open to a lack of sexual activity, he lets me know in small ways that he will need to find sexual release at some point and that I need to remember I'm the one asking him to not have what he needs. My fear of being the reason he uses porn or contacts women online or finds another AP keeps me from knowing what's really healthy or acceptable to ask for.

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Esteem issue?!

I had ZERO esteem issueS, period. None! Till iiiii realized that my cheater gave his body to another for TWO years annndd learned that throughout our almost 20 yrs together, he’d secretly watch porn several time a week to orgasm.
So myyyy lowered self esteem ONLY HAPPENED due to his actions. That he’s been viewing other females for sexual pleasure!? Ugh . Am I not ENOUGH for him?! Am I not worthy of respect? Am iiii not enough that he chose a married whore to affair with..... for TWO YEARS.

So NO it wasn’t an esteem issue BEFORE his choices. Not one single esteem issue EVER!! I was happy with myself n who I was as a person, a female, a wife, a mother, a sexual being. It’s all pretty much in the toilet now. Thanks, Husband!

Esteem issue?!

I had ZERO esteem issueS, period. None! Till iiiii realized that my cheater gave his body to another for TWO years annndd learned that throughout our almost 20 yrs together, he’d secretly watch porn several time a week to orgasm.
So myyyy lowered self esteem ONLY HAPPENED due to his actions. That he’s been viewing other females for sexual pleasure!? Ugh . Am I not ENOUGH for him?! Am I not worthy of respect? Am iiii not enough that he chose a married whore to affair with..... for TWO YEARS.

So NO it wasn’t an esteem issue BEFORE his choices. Not one single esteem issue EVER!! I was happy with myself n who I was as a person, a female, a wife, a mother, a sexual being. It’s all pretty much in the toilet now. Thanks, Husband!