You seem to indicate in response to some prior questions that it matters whether an unfaithful spouse came forward on their own in honesty rather than getting caught. Can you explain more about why this is important? My spouse stopped her affair only when it was discovered, and for the next year-and-a-half she continued to be deeply dishonest about what had happened, finally being truthful only when I let her know I felt I would have to leave our marriage if I were lied to anymore. And this was months after completing the EMSO chapter stressing the importance of disclosure. She had hidden things from me in our marriage before this, though never to this degree. There was tremendous dishonesty about the nature of the affair, but in many other ways I have been moved by her remorse and her dedication to accepting the consequences and repairing the damage of her choices. Do you find there is a difference in outcome between this type of situation as opposed to one where there the unfaithful spouse has been more forthcoming after the affair has ended?