Q&A Is It Time to Walk Away?

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My husband’s affair was 3 years ago. I have consistently pursued him throughout our 21 years of marriage and recovery. Sadly, I have been brought to desperation repeatedly issuing 'ultimatum' boundaries to continue in the marriage. For example, he reluctantly agreed to EMSO in July 2018. Finally, in week 8, he decided to stop blaming his infidelity on me. There were critical homework pieces, like the Week 11 relapse prevention plan, that he chose not to complete because he deemed them unnecessary. I had to browbeat him into seeking expert help for his issues through Hope For Healing which has a few weeks left. It seems that he is just going through the motions. He has missed 3+ calls. He does not keep a journal saying that there’s no point. He does not do his daily posts. When I say that his lack of, ‘whatever it takes’ efforts cause me to feel unsafe, he tells me that Hope For Healing is for him so I have no business making judgements on the way he does the program. Recently, he lied to me and coerced my son to do the same which seems to be the beginning of the end of my willingness to keep fighting for a marriage that makes me feel utterly lonely and unsafe. He struggles with empathetic heartfelt listening. Whenever I try to share my truth in love, he side-steps my feelings and defends the 10% of inaccuracies. Is all this gaslighting? Is it time to walk away?



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